Fear (SunWinks! October 19, 2014: Metaphor)

First a flutter in the chest
Then a thudding
Elephants stampeding
Through the savannah
Sudden drought
In the throat
Words freeze
On the useless tongue
Gasping for air
She turns into
A statue

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Copyright © 2014 Irina Dimitric

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http://dougwestberg.wordpress.com/2014/10/18/sunwinks-october-19-2014-i-never-metaphor-part-ii/comment-page-1/#comment-477

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About irinadim

Kookaburra sweet, you neither chirp nor tweet. Your laughter is much like mine, my cackle is much like thine. We are two sister souls, one clad in feathers, the other in clothes. ~ Irina ~ I’m a budding blogger. Poetry and photography are my newest passions, living in perfect harmony inspiring each other. I like both free verse and form poetry and am quite proud to let you know that I am the creator of a new form named ‘tercetonine’. Blog Name: Irina's Poetry Corner Blog URL: http://irinadim.com
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13 Responses to Fear (SunWinks! October 19, 2014: Metaphor)

  1. terramere says:

    Ah…you’ve caught me in your net…wondering what turned her it was that turned her to stone….!

  2. terramere says:

    I mean what it was that turned her into stone….

  3. Poe would be proud. Of this. You surprised me. Very cool. Hugs, Barbara

  4. pambrittain says:

    Irina, I don’t think you ever fail with Doug’s challenges. Bravo.

    • irinadim says:

      Actually, I did with this one! He liked the poem, but it didn’t meet the challenge. Click on SunWinks! link above, it’s all there. It serves me right for putting in ‘critique welcome’. My head is still spinning! 🙂

  5. Ohhh the end is surprising and… I like it!

    • irinadim says:

      She could have started to run, but she was immobilised by fear. I didn’t meet the challenge although Doug liked the poem. If you want to see Doug’s comments, click on his link at the bottom of this post.

  6. Aquileana says:

    Very nice version… My favorite verses here are: ” Words freeze/On the useless tongue
    Gasping for air/She turns into/A statue”… Such a merciless ending resolution!.
    Love, dear Irina ❤ Aquileana 😀

    • irinadim says:

      That’s the first version. Doug liked the poem, but I didn’t meet the challenge, so I wrote the second version, which was a bit better, and finally the third version met the challenge.

      If you’re interested, you can click on the link at the end of the post. You’ll see there our conversation and Doug’s expert mentoring. I mentioned him in the Preface in my book.

      Happy week! Cheers 🙂 Irina

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